That’s right, it’s seven years to the day since Speedysnail was launched. Seven years of bashing out words and pictures for the entertainment of myself and others, whoever you are. And what an enormous pile of words and pictures it is.
I remember when zeldman.com turned seven thinking how impossibly long-lived that seemed in internet years, even in actual human years—and yet here we are.
[Pauses to ponder significance of this milestone.]
[Realises there isn’t much. Goes back to typing.]
So! Seven is a good age to have a birthday party—a birthday extravaganza, even—and what’s more extravagant than giving away stuff? Yes, after seven years I’m itching to share the bad luck wealth, so for an extremely limited time am giving away not one but two fabulous items. Both of these come from the luxurious Roppongi Prince Hotel in Tokyo, which gave us a bunch of 1000 yen vouchers for having our linen changed every second day instead of every day, then told us we could only spend them in their hotel shop, then when I tried to spend them all on a fancy bowl admitted that the good stuff in the glass cabinet had to be ordered in specially... so I grabbed whatever else was going, just on principle. Now I’m passing these beautiful objects on to YOU! so that they don’t clutter up the shelves in our study.
Object the first: six paper-wrapped pencils with bonus eraser in an attractive decorated cardboard case. Be the first kid on your block to sharpen them!
Suitable for writing, drawing, or holding up in front of computer monitors in obviously posed photos.
Object the second: a genuine 100% cotton rising-sun headband or hachimaki, worn “for a mental stimulation purpose to express one’s determination” when demonstrating, studying, or carrying portable shrines.
The symbols represent “fighting spirit”, which is what you’ll need to win it! Here’s all you have to do: leave a comment on this entry. The most entertaining comment will have first choice of the items, and the runner-up will get what’s left. Comment on anything: the weather, what you had for lunch yesterday, the movie you saw last week, your favourite Speedysnail entry of the past seven years, in prose, iambic pentameter, hyperlinked treasure-hunt form, soft-sculpture letters seven feet high, or some other medium that stretches the bounds of the humble comments box. The most amusing, thought-provoking, or other-superlative-ing comment wins!
The Small Print: Competition closes in seven days, i.e. at 7 p.m. GMT on Sunday 6 August 2006. Judging will be entirely subjective and may or may not be influenced by nepotistic considerations and the author’s strange sense of humour, but what have you got to lose (apart from this competition). Anyone can enter, even members of the author’s household, although that kind of defeats the purpose of clearing this stuff off our shelves. Enter as many times as you like, because I’m insanely jealous of weblogs that get a hundred comments on every entry. Extra marks for outrageous sycophancy, but points off if it doesn’t sound sincere. Unremitting bile will also be eligible, as long as it includes clichés or logical errors that allow me to feel superior to you. Please leave a working email address so that I can find out where to post the stuff if you win. All decisions will be final, because it’s not like I’m made of paper-covered pencils and 100% cotton headbands.