Definitely Limericks: Ae-Af
The Aeneolithic’s prolific
Inventors were always specific
To make things by dint
Of copper and flint;
Using mud wasn’t half as terrific.
The period when the Neolithic gave way to the Bronze Age.
If under some cabinet glass
Is a beetle with bottom of brass,
Don’t dither about it—
Come right out and shout it:
“It’s got an aeneous arse!”
Aeneous (ay-EE-neous) means brassy or brass-coloured.
Madagascar’s extinct Aepyornis
The biggest bird ever was born is.
With ten-gallon eggs
And enormous great legs,
This is one that I’m ’appier gone is.
Actually, I’d quite like to see one—just wouldn’t want to live with one.
The fish in a tank think it’s great
When people add air to their state.
They exhibit elation
At water aeration,
So don’t you just stand there—aerate!
Aerobatic displays make me loopy—
I’m a crazy ol’ loop-the-loop groupie.
Those magnificent scenes
With the flying machines...
Like von Richthofen fighting off Snoopy.
Whether “forecasting” sounds a bit chancy,
Or “meteorology” fancy,
You’ll always do better
To mimic belles-lettres,
And say you pursue aeromancy.
Some people would think it insane
To fly in a jet aeroplane.
It’s better, they’ve found,
To remain on the ground,
And travel by bus, car or train.
My Dad doesn’t like what’s on top a’
Our outhouse: a roof of new copper.
He said, “But I do go
For roofs of aerugo;
If Mum tries to clean it, you stop ’er.”
Aye-ROO-go is verdigris, the green rust on copper and brass.
An eagle will commonly rest
In an aery, or lofty cliff nest—
When made of material
That’s aery (ethereal),
A tenuous foothold at best.
Most viewers of TV athleticism
Like practising low-key propheticism:
Predicting who’ll win
Or who’ll wallop their shin;
But I’m into body aestheticism.
I’m not really a big sporty perv, honest.
An affluent man of great wealth
Once diverted the sewers by stealth,
On the self-centred grounds
(Not as rich as it sounds)
That effluent’s bad for the health.
“Afforest” is when you ensure
Your land is all leafy and pure,
And all that’s around
Becomes hunting ground.
(It’s also a song by The Cure.)
If ever your temper should snap,
You should make no attempt to affrap
(Which is to say, strike)
Anyone you dislike,
Or they might affrap back with a strap.
When yer strangle a geezer or spiv
Wiv yer mittens until ’e don’t live,
As ’e falls to the ground,
It’s a ch-choking sound
Or affricative wot ’e will give.
Disease of the blood, like leukemia.
The fibrinogen’s gone
From your plasma; hereon,
You’re screwed. (Cf. hypoglycemia.)
The colour of leaves is called blue.
The sound that a dog makes is moo.
What’s that you say, son?
Yeah, your Dad’s having fun;
The aforegoing facts are untrue.
Afrikaners are people who speak
Afrikaans, full of words like “fabriek”.
They’re also called Boers;
Britain fought them in wars
(Though in Africa, that’s not unique).
Go on, doncha be so suspicious
About whether that mushroom’s nutritious.
Look, it’s totally cool—
Ain’t a toadstool, ya fool...
And the aftereffects are delicious.
Who’s the feather beneath a black duck or
Some chick, whether tweeter or clucker?
Aftershaft! You’re damn right.
Can ya dig it? All night.
Aftershaft is a baaad motherplucker.
An aftershaft is a small feather arising from the shafts
of certain others in many birds.
A seductress enticed a dictator,
“There’s more for dessert, honey... later.”
She was hardly to know
When he struck her a blow
And afterwards sat down and ate her.