Definitely Limericks: Ai-Aj

To disaster zones, aid workers flock—
As the rest of us look on in shock—
Helping people in need:
Truly noble indeed.
(Around here, no one tidies our block.)

It’s a town with a whole ’nother layer,
A lexicographical playa.
Those Hawaiians love vowels
Much as lyin’ on towels—
Little wonder it’s called Aiea.

That’s ah-ee-AY-ah, a suburb of Honolulu.

The bitter-sweet taste, aigre-doux,
Is passable in a French roux,
But it’s a mistake
To eat aigre-doux cake,
So don’t you be too eager to.

One word with an undeserved taint
Is surely the infamous “ain’t”.
It’s all we have got
To shorten “am not”
As “amn’t” is awfully quaint.

An airbag’s designed to inflate,
Stopping windscreens from hitting your pate.
After all, why be dead?
(Also, Radiohead
Wrote a song of that name. Gee they’re great.)

Dahling! It’s Charlotte! Yes, Char!
You remember—Art History, yah?
Fancy meeting you here!
Quick, a kiss past your ear—
It’s so lovely to see you! Mwah, mwah!

A few yahz ago I listened to Charlotte and Caroline all the way from London to Edinburgh, telling the entire train carriage about their final exams, their friend Marcus, the wonderful buhk that Char (or was it Car?) was reading, and Car’s (or was it Char’s?) mahvellous new job in New York. I wonder how it went.

They’re scrupulous people, the air police:
Meticulous, careful, and fair police.
No point to contest
Any air force arrest,
So never say, “I wasn’t there, police.”

This message brought to you by your friendly neighborhood APs.

A bird on the wing met a slight
Irritation while trying for height:
“This calamitous fog
Left my chest all a-clog!
But my air sacs are keeping me light.”

To ensure I can stretch out my feet,
I secure, when I’m booking, a seat
By the aeroplane’s aisle.
Tall passengers smile
When their knees and the tray don’t compete.

Lookee there: it’s ol’ Jimmy, ajog!
All the neighbours are watching, agog.
There he goes, out the gate,
Down the street, and—no, wait.
Mister Fixx has dropped dead as a log.

Jim Fixx, author of the book that started the jogging craze
of the 1970s, died of a heart attack while jogging.

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