Definitely Limericks: Dp-Dr

Nick Clegg, Britain’s leading Lib Dem,
Has a nebulous role: DPM.
Rest assured, nothing sinister:
He’s Deputy Prime Minister—
An important position. (Ahem.)

Before Nick Clegg became DPM as part of the 2010 coalition agreement between the Liberal Democrats and the Conservatives, the position had been filled only half of the time since World War II.

A disqualification (DQ)
Is what happens in boxing when you
Have deliberately broken
The rules, like—no jokin’—
By biting an ear fully through.

The second WBA Heavyweight Championship match between Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield, for example.

The prospect of ending up dead
Is something a lot of us dread.
But why all the fear?
You’re clearly still here,
And possibly years lie ahead.

When left with a bowlful of giblets,
Mum crumbed ’em and made chicken niblets.
“They’re entrails,” we cried.
“They’re delicious,” Dad lied,
As he sampled the paltriest driblets.

When there’s minimal moisture inside,
Then a foodstuff is said to be dried,
Like this strip of beef jerky.
If Christmas’s turkey
Should turn out the same, woe betide!

Without enough water to drink,
We soon find it harder to think,
As our brains shrivel up.
So let’s guzzle each cup,
Lest our cortices rapidly shrink.

Recent research suggests that prolonged reduced water intake may adversely affect visuo-spatial processing and our ability to plan.

I’m attempting to keep the tone civil,
But your argument’s absolute drivel.
Its content is worthless
And message is mirthless.
Be seated on this, please, and swivel.

Now that everyone’s using a Kindle,
Publication on paper will dwindle.
But will book prices fall?
Or will publishers all
Lock us up in a DRM swindle?

Some publishers hope to prevent e-book piracy using digital rights management.

This base that we chaps call a drome,
With its runways and cross-sectioned dome,
Is the place where we store
Sopwith Camels before
Every dogfight: our aeroplanes’ home.

Aerodrome is still used in Britain and Australia for small airfields servicing light aircraft, but is now less often abbreviated.

I’m sorry if this is too strong,
But how didya get it so wrong?
Yer never that dense—
Ya got commonsense—
So don’t be a drongo, ya nong.

The drugs you prescribed didn’t work!
When I took them, my mind went berserk.
So were these even real? Could
It be, Doctor Feelgood,
Some little-known medical quirk?

I could tell from the way that he stunk
That my buddy was totally drunk.
“I ’ad only one bottle,”
He slurred, “Not a lot... ’ll...”
And slid from his stool with a clunk.

When there’s nary a cloud in the sky
And the landscape is totally dry,
It’s the furthest from wet
It can possibly get.
Can’t be Britain, then. Maybe Dubai?

He dragged himself onto the sand,
Feeling thankful for reaching dry land.
“Now, find shelter? Should do so,”
Thought Robinson Crusoe.
“Let’s see who can give me a hand.”

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