Definitely Limericks: Fp-Ft

Of electoral systems, the most
Problematic is first-past-the-post.
Get a single vote more
Than the others, and you’re
Declared winner: a dubious boast.

FPP treats an election as a race to the highest number of votes in any particular seat, no matter how many candidates take part. Depending how many people run against you, you can win a seat with as little as thirty, twenty, or even five percent of the overall vote. This can sit uneasily with any claim that you have a popular mandate to govern.

The motion of pictures is reckoned
In terms of their frame rate. Per second,
The frames have flown past
Viewers’ eyeballs so fast
The illusion of movement has beckoned.

When you write about radio, you
Will use frequency frequently. Do
You like saving a letter
Or two? Even better:
Waive seven, by typing fq.

The case neoliberals have made
About why to engage in free trade
Has held sway for some years;
Old protectionist fears
Are outmoded, although not allayed.

“I’ll... just freshen up,” says Aunt Mabel,
Looking ever-so-slightly unstable,
And everyone poises
For terrible noises
To follow her flight from the table.

Uncle Oliver Overton cried,
“Bring me buckets of chicken wings, fried!
Cooked in extra-hot grease,”
To his long-suffering niece.
Still, she did get the house when he died.

Hear that chorus of ribbits and choking?
That’s the sound of amphibians croaking.
Our creation of smog
Spells the end for the frog.
That’s why Kermit is so antismoking.

A frugivorous diner eats fruit.
Take the toucan, whose beak is a beaut:
He’ll strip a whole tree
Of its guavas with glee.
(What, you thought they ate Froot Loops? How cute.)

Kellogg’s Froot Loops taste samey as hell,
But cartoon toucan mascots can sell
Any sugary cereal
To kids, which I’m leery’ll
Soon mean my two cannot spell.

Apparently, individual Loops are all the same artificial froot flavour despite their different colours. Toucan Sam clearly won’t be winning any spelling bees.

In a moment of anapest seizure,
I’m struck by a thought that’ll please ya:
You can use FSM
To denominate them!
The Federated States of Micronesia!

Your pastor hates pasta? I’ll bet he
Hates Monsters of Flying Spaghetti.
No true Pastafarian
Finds noodles scary, an’
Doubting their glory is petty.

The Church of FSM worships an omniscient bowl of spaghetti and meatballs, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Those who have been touched by His noodly appendage refer to themselves as Pastafarians. Those who haven’t refer to them as smartasses. Such doubters clearly haven’t considered the appeal of an afterlife full of pirates carousing around a beer volcano.

The length of this Colchester st.
Is many Imperial ft.
If a Roman had put
His imperial ft.
On this st., we would call it jes’ nt.

Colchester was once the capital of Roman Britain. The Roman foot, at around 29.6 cm, was slightly shorter than an Imperial or US foot of 30.48 cm.

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