Definitely Limericks: Fu-Fz

When he talks of brown algae, I cough.
“You’ve just mispronounced it,” I scoff.
“The genus of Fucus
Rhymes, clearly, with mucus.”
I’m racked when he says to fuc off.

Fucus includes some of the most common seaweeds found in the British Isles, such as bladder wrack, toothed wrack and spiral wrack.

To instill fear/uncertainty/doubt
(FUD), spread some rumors about:
They had deadlines and missed ’em;
There are bugs in their system;
And your app is soon coming out.

Our Labrador’s gone out to play
On the streets of our city today.
She’ll be out on the run,
Having four-legged fun,
Till our dad takes her T-bone away.

“It’s the funfair! Let’s head on inside!
Look, a ghost train! Let’s go for a ride!”
Dad was over the moon
For the whole afternoon.
Jenny screamed. I was sick. Timmy cried.

I’m a mushroom—yeah, baby, I’m hot.
I’m a toadstool, girl—deadly, or what?
Every woman adores
My profusion of spores.
I’m a really fun guy, am I not?

I’m the mould on your mouldy old dough.
I’m the yeast in your Marmite, whoa-oh.
Microscopic delight
For my lady tonight—
I’m a really fun guy, doncha know?

I’m the truffle you dig from the ground,
And I’m various enzymes you’ve found
In detergents and drugs.
You’ll be likin’ my hugs—
I’m a really fun guy. See ya round!

There are millions of species of fungus amonggus.

If you walk round a corner and see
A vehicle that’s labelled “FV”,
Then unless you’re in armour
Or rather a charmer,
The sensible option’s to flee.

The British-made FV (“fighting vehicle”) series of tanks, armoured cars and armoured trucks are used predominantly by the British Army, but have also been sold to various other countries.

Fwd: Check out this staggering list!
FWD: Yes, all these people exist!
FW: Found this on Facebook!
Fw: Lemurs in space, look!
I fear it’s too hard to resist.

On movies, where scripts have FX,
It indicates special effects:
For example, a death-ray;
Or CGI breath, say.
Doug Trumbull’s were better than sex.

Douglas Trumbull’s pioneering special effects work included Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, Steven Spielberg’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and Ridley Scott’s Blade Runner.

CRITIC: Whose work is this on the wall?
PAINTER: Mine. CRITIC: Ha! What a scrawl!
PAINTER: Scrawl? This is art!
(FX: THUNDEROUS FART)
CRITIC: There, my review says it all.

A sensitive portrayal of the modern art world, coming soon to BBC Radio 4.

The fylfot, an old kind of cross,
Flew from many a castle and schloss,
But once Hitler got hold of it,
That’s all that got told of it.
His swastika’s gain was our loss.

London Zoo’s full of fabulous fellows.
Not the feathered kind: those who shout hellos.
So intent to impress,
They all add FZS
To their names. Hear their glorious bellows!

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