Hi. I thought I'd interrupt the show just for a minute to slip in a quick plug. You see, we're not only wacky fun-filled japesters here at Three Men and a Penguin. (Some might say we're not even wacky fun-filled japesters. Those people can argue it out backstage with my very good friend and renowned sumo wrestler, Hoto Ishiki.)
Japanese noises off-stage.
No, I for one am more than a thespian thuperthtar. Because I've actually written a novel. Yes, really. It's even been published. Already sold hundreds of thousands of copies. (Holds up familiar book.) Titled, as you can see, the "Pocket Oxford Dictionary", it is a searing parody of the student mentality at a well-known white upper-middle-class British university. In the novel, I've used the alphabetical listing of humdrum, everyday words as a metaphor for Oxbridge attitudes, and the literary device of avoiding any semblance of a plot or true-to-life characters to point up that same lack in today's universities. Frankly I'm quite pleased with how it's turned out. It's already received rave reviews; the blurb on the dust jacket calls it, and I quote, "a favourite", and "fully up to date..." (keeps reading blurb until the end, as it becomes less and less relevant) "American spellings are now systematically given, as well as English ones. There is a single alphabetical sequence of entries, including abbreviations and acronyms, and the whole dictionary has been put into the clear Baskerville type used in the Concise."
So there you are. Already acclaimed as a modern masterpiece. And available after the show for only £49.95. As I'm sure you'll agree, it's worth every penny. Or rather, as Hoto Ishiki and I are sure you'll agree.
Wild Japanese noises offstage, and "Hold him down! Get the rhino darts! My God, he's got his arm off!" etc.