Mr Whippy
| A seedy looking character (Steve Field), carrying a tray with items for sale on it, trundles onstage and looks furtively around for signs of cops. Then looks at his watch. | ||
| Mr W | Two a.m... that should do it... MISTER WHIPPY! Mister Whippy! Get your ICE CREAMS here! GET your icecreams! (And drugs.) AND your ICE CREAMS! They're luverly! SOFT-SERVE! And heroin! SPEEDy service! Get 'em here! Thirty-one ECSTATIC flavours! NEAPOLITAN! Colombian! Raspberry Ripple! Marijuana Munch! Get your... | |
| A policeman (Rory Ewins) walks onstage. | ||
| Copper | Allo allo allo. And what might you be selling at this time of night, my good man? | |
| Mr W | Ice cream, guv. Good stuff man. Sir. | |
| Copper | Do you think I was born yesterday?! Nobody sells icecream at this time of night! | |
| Mr W | No, really, I thought the punters heading home from that Rave over there might fancy a quick choc-ice. | |
| Copper | Oh yes? (Looks at Mr W's tray) What are all these funny pills then? | |
| Mr W | Uh... dolly mixture. Man. | |
| Copper | Dolly mixture! DOLLY MIXTURE!... Right you are then. (He starts to leave.) | |
| Mr W | Uh—fancy an icecream guv? | |
| Copper | That's very civil of you. Don't mind if I do. | |
| Mr W | What'll it be? | |
| Copper | I'll have some smack. | |
| Mr W | Hot fudge sauce? | |
| Cut lights. |
|
1992 First performed by Three Men and a Penguin at the ADC Theatre, Cambridge, April-May 1992. |
|
