Current Affairs

A current affairs programme. We fade in as an MP (James Pooley) speaks to the host (Steve Field).
Sir K... And you'll find that the Labour Party's proposals will result in overspending by 987,243 pounds in that area alone.
Host987,000 pounds!
Sir K987,243 pounds. And the question is, I think, what does the figure of 987,243 pounds signify—apart from one million pounds with a 2.3867 percent discount?
HostYes. (Pause.) Well what does it signify?
Sir KWell, nothing much. I just wanted to demonstrate my brilliant memory for figures.
HostRight. Well, turning to the subject of figures, it's often been said, Sir Keith, that you have a very nice figure indeed.
Sir KWhy, thank you very much.
HostOne of the more shapely members of the House of Commons, if I may say so.
Sir KYou're too kind.
HostIs it not true that Giorgio Armani has contracted you to model his new line of spring fashions in Milan?
Sir KWho told you that? Was it Giorgio? That wasn't supposed to come out until next week! The bitch!
Host(Turns to audience.) And now, over to our correspondent in Bophuthatswana.
Sir KIt was the Labour Party, wasn't it? It was bloody Labour—they're just jealous because I look good in blue and red... I'll scratch their eyes out...
Fade into next sketch.


First performed by Three Men and a Penguin at the ADC Theatre, Cambridge, November 1992.
This page: 12 February 2000; last modified 16 February 2001.

©1992, 2000 Rory Ewins