I wrote these for the Omnificent English Dictionary in English Form, a magnificent, ambitious, and slightly insane attempt to write a limerick for every word in the English language, one letter group at a time. You can see my additions and revisions there, but I like to keep them here as well; the menu below leads to permanent pages for each letter group. You can also see some co-written pieces, an area especially aimed at OEDILFers, and a page of limerick biographies of famous artists.
Tony Abbott, once called the “Mad Monk”
By Aussies who reckoned he stunk,
Has become our prime minister,
An outcome so sinister
We’re sitting around in a funk.
On the waterfront, owners were greedy
For freighters whose loading was speedy.
What made longshoremen know
They’d been going too slow?
Coulda been a container ship, Edie.
He’s developed a bad case of gout,
Thanks to overconsumption of stout.
On the other hand, though,
He’s the new CEO
Now of Guinness. It all evens out.
No relation to the CEO of Diageo PLC, the company that now owns the iconic Irish brand.
The mythical country of Faerie
Sounds charming, but principally scary:
Here magic folk dwell,
And here fairy-tales tell
Of enchantments which snare the unwary.
It is far to the Faroes, I fear;
Only Iceland and Shetland are near.
Be mostly what people
Run into when travelling here.
If you fancy yourself as a Fauve,
Dab a canvas with red, yellow, mauve,
Move to somewhere in France,
Paint a whirling-round dance,
And you’re Henri Matisse now, by Jove.
Would you like more dessert, or more wine?
Help yourself to a chocolate—it’s fine.
But don’t pull a fast one
By taking the last one.
I’m onto your tricks, son—that’s mine.
Takin’ care o’ me ’orrible teef
Brings me dentist a fair bit o’ grief.
I imagine he’s greetin’
His FDI meetin’
Wiv sumfin’ approachin’ relief.
The World Dental Federation, the Fédération Dentaire Internationale.
For anyone Aussie who works,
Keep an eye on the number of perks
You’re provided for “free”:
You’ll incur FBT
On those company Mazdas and Mercs.
Fringe Benefits Tax.
In Britain, the letters F.C.
Stand for “football club” (soccer): e.g.,
Aston Villa or Reading.
If you’re thinking of heading...
I bet you’re a club devotee.