I wrote these for the Omnificent English Dictionary in English Form, a magnificent, ambitious, and slightly insane attempt to write a limerick for every word in the English language, one letter group at a time. You can see my additions and revisions there, but I like to keep them here as well; the menu below leads to permanent pages for each letter group. You can also see some co-written pieces, an area especially aimed at OEDILFers, and a page of limerick biographies of famous artists.
When the forecast was sunshine, it snowed.
A light drizzle? The dams overflowed.
Now they say we’re due drought,
And I can’t figure out:
What does this doubtful statement forebode?
If some lecherous bloke at a bar
Starts to snigger out loud, “Fnarr fnarr,”
Just what does he intend? Oh,
Some crude innuendo,
Like, “She’ll have a large one.” Har har.
Madagascar once used to use francs
For its businesses, budgets and banks.
This French-derived cash
Du peuple malgache
Should be shortened to Fmg, thanks.
The Malagasy franc, abbreviated either to Fmg (for franc malgache) or MGF, was the currency of Madagascar for most of the twentieth century. In January 2005 it was replaced by the ariary, a denomination with which it had coexisted for many years, at a conversion rate of five to one. At the time of its replacement, 1 Fmg was worth €0.000087.
When a takeaway offers you flake,
It’s no choccie deep-fried by mistake.
If yer still in the dark,
It’s the Aussie for shark,
Served with chips and a Coke or a shake.
If wrapping your jaws around Jaws
Is a prospect that gives you some pause:
What you’ll put in your tummy
Is probably Gummy.
Great Whites you can’t bite, say state laws.
The Falklands’ domain, .fk,
Could provoke (as in “no f-king way”),
Those who call them Malvinas,
Who are not quite as keen as
The locals on what ICANN say.
Argentina maintains a claim to the islands it calls Islas Malvinas, and has complained to the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers about the continued existence of the Falkland Islands’ domain, dot F K.
You could buy an FJ once to suit
Any Aussie: sedan, van or ute.
Of the cars made by Holden,
This model’s an old ’un;
Them bodgie blokes thought it was beaut.
The Holden FJ was manufactured from 1953 to 1957, during the height of Australia’s “Bodgie and Widgie” era.