Definitely Limericks
I wrote these for the Omnificent English Dictionary in English Form, a magnificent, ambitious, and slightly insane attempt to write a limerick for every word in the English language, one letter group at a time. You can see my additions and revisions there, but I like to keep them here as well; the menu below leads to permanent pages for each letter group. You can also see some co-written pieces and an area especially aimed at OEDILFers.
The prospect of ending up dead
Is something a lot of us dread.
But why all the fear?
You’re clearly still here,
And possibly years lie ahead.
I’m sorry if this is too strong,
But how didya get it so wrong?
Yer never that dense—
Ya got commonsense—
So don’t be a drongo, ya nong.
The drugs you prescribed didn’t work!
When I took them, my mind went berserk.
So were these even real? Could
It be, Doctor Feelgood,
Some little-known medical quirk?
When there’s nary a cloud in the sky
And the landscape is totally dry,
It’s the furthest from wet
It can possibly get.
Can’t be Britain, then. Maybe Dubai?
I’m attempting to keep the tone civil,
But your argument’s absolute drivel.
Its content is worthless
And message is mirthless.
Be seated on this, please, and swivel.
Without enough water to drink,
We soon find it harder to think,
As our brains shrivel up.
So let’s guzzle each cup,
Lest our cortices rapidly shrink.
Recent research suggests that prolonged reduced water intake may adversely affect visuo-spatial processing and our ability to plan.
I could tell from the way that he stunk
That my buddy was totally drunk.
“I ’ad only one bottle,”
He slurred, “Not a lot... ’ll...”
And slid from his stool with a clunk.
A disqualification (DQ)
Is what happens in boxing when you
Have deliberately broken
The rules, like—no jokin’—
By biting an ear fully through.
The second WBA Heavyweight Championship match between Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield, for example.
Nick Clegg, Britain’s leading Lib Dem,
Has a nebulous role: DPM.
Rest assured, nothing sinister:
He’s Deputy Prime Minister—
An important position. (Ahem.)
Before Nick Clegg became DPM as part of the 2010 coalition agreement between the Liberal Democrats and the Conservatives, the position had been filled only half of the time since World War II.
